We have all been on the receiving end of words like that. Taking that extra time to breathe and reflect can prevent us from saying words we don’t mean-words that cannot be unsaid or unfelt. It may mean having an extra ounce of patience for loved ones, even when we feel like our ends are frayed and rapidly unraveling. It may mean swallowing one’s pride and admitting fault to friends (or, more difficult: to less-than-friends). It may be biding your time until a family member’s-or our own-frustrations or anger have subsided, and having a productive discussion when both parties are more amenable to it. Taking efforts to avoid a clash may manifest in many ways-on the hospital floors with peers and superiors in the office with colleagues and bosses in the classroom with competitive or selfish classmates. It’s a delicate balance, but one that I think we can all continually strive for. But once Irealized that fact, I gained fulfillment from being direct and honest while still being flexible and gentle. For people like myself who have tended to lean this way in the past, it’s no fast transition to recognize that my voice is important too. ![]() Such a fate is a very real possibility for people who stray to the other extreme and indiscriminately avoid all conflict. That is not to say that we should become doormats and allow people to take advantage of us. There are some occasions in which it is simply not worth our time or efforts to engage a troublesome person in their difficulty or anger. In its repurposed form, it can also be said: “One angry person alone does not an argument make-it takes both people to create a fight.” It tells us that, no matter how difficult it might be, it’s smart to choose your battles wisely rather than indiscriminately confront all problematic situations or people. It has, for example, become something of a folk saying in many areas of the world, including my mother’s homeland of Kerala, India. Since its inception, however, this koan has evolved to take on varied meanings. What is the sound of one hand?” In its original context, it provokes thought about the abstract concept of duality versus non-duality. I later learned it actually has its origins as a koan, or philosophical query, in Zen Buddhism: “Two hands clap and there is a sound. I heard this particular pearl recently when venting my frustrations about difficult people to my mother. For a while I may have thought there were no new pearls to be shared, but my mom continues to surprise us with hidden gems of wealth, right at the moments we happen to need them. ![]() Ever since my siblings and I were in elementary school, my mother’s pearls have been circulating in our minds.
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